Leadership 2 . How to survive a conflict?

I was recruited to lead a phase of a website development project. Neither the project manager I was replacing or the teammates had chosen me—some had even written to the whole world that they would prefer another project manager—in vain. My period of overlap with the outgoing project manager is full of tensions, to the point that one day, angry, I hit my fist on the table and knock the soda all over...

I finally get installed. I get two opposite advice: " You need fire someone so that people fear you," and "You should find a way to work effectively with everyone, since you need everyone to succeed." I chose to follow the second advice.

During the six months of my mission, I left home stomach knotted—it’s quite an adventure to commute by motorbike in this state, believe me. That said, to my surprise , I noticed that I would return each night with a feeling of peace, pride. A replay, several years later, made it clear there was a key parameter: facing my temporary mood swing—Should I have played it again, it would have been devastating—I had opted for the acceptance of conflict as inevitable and a-moral: I had chosen the facts and waived the judgments. One day , long after the end of my mission , I received a significant boost from a former employee—a strong opponent at the time. The one who made me mad and knock the soda all over.

Assumption. Since conflict is inevitable, let’s transform it into an opportunity. My attitude is a powerful invitation to my partners: shall they resist?

Tool. 5 approaches to address conflict.

Here they are:

Forcing. Firefighter goes into force, and at the sight of flames, I thank them. Evaluate the decision afterwards is a good idea. What would happen, in fact, if there were no flames, finally ?

Appeasement. Two children are fighting for an apple on its apple-tree, but to our surprise, they soon separate without anyone of them having picked anything. Why ? bad fruit, moot conflict. Green fruit, we will continue our struggle at the right time .

Confrontation. Eg through negotiation. But also research , sometimes hard research, a consensus.

Compromise. I take and I leave, and so does the other. In order to keep on going. But what happens if tomorrow I realize that what I won, I care little and what I left, I really wanted ? Frustration.

Withdrawal. I give ground without consideration, for this time. I keep my strength for the future. Or, simply, I realize my mistake. Saying " I was wrong."

Notes:

Conflict is a normal part of the action organized with several Homo Sapiens, and conflict does not automatically lead to violence. It is the absence of speech that leads to violence, not the conflict itself .

These five approaches have their relevance and none is flawless. Now I have my preferences, personally appeasement then forcing. Everyone has their preferences - for you, what are they? The idea is to invite you to learn and train if necessary and to enjoy the other three approaches.

Each approach requires preparation and personal fitness to fire. Again, training is key. In any case, replay—as exposed in a former message of the Leadership chapter.

Experimentation. Experiment with adult-adult dialogues. Prepare the interaction to come.

References. Transactional analysis, negotiation, 5 approaches to address conflict ( PMBOK ) . DRESSLER Larry, Standing in the Fire : leading high-heat meetings with calm, clarity, and courage, San Francisco, CA, Berrett -Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2010.

Stakeholder responsibility. Trustworthy person.